he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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