he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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