I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
