I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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