I think I am morally bankrupt
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
