Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
