I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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