I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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