I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
