she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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