So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
