I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
