Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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