What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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