things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
