that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
