OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
