There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
