shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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