I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
