does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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