genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
