Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
