Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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