I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
