who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
