that's an acceptable place to lick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
