If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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