will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
