My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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