Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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