I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
