my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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