I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
