I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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