I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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