You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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