I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my liver is dry heaving
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
