this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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