my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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