maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
