I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
