When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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