She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
