ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
