i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
