You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
