R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
