so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
two words: eviction party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
