Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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