She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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