he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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