Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
